I guess its finally appropriate to say that this is the beginning of the end. I only have one HSC exam left on the 12th of Nov. My shortest exam to date coming in at a mere 1.5 hours in comparison to the 3 for the others.

Uni applications are for photography, psychology, bachelor of arts or a combination of the three. The Uni's applied for are everywhere and I'm still not entirely sure what I want to do. It was a bachelor of photography for a long long time but recent discussions with James has got me thinking I'm better off to decline that and opt for a uni closer to him. After all he doesn't want to move to town offering photography...he cringes at the thought and realistically we both know there is nothing there for him and it would be a selfish move on my behalf to expect him to give up everything he has going to live with me for three years.
I probably should be focusing on myself and putting myself forward ( as a lot of people seem to be suggesting) but honestly I'm not keen to extend this long distance relationship another three years...not unless I have no other choice.

There are Uni's i have applied too half an hour from his home town which would be ideal, however, I'm just not entirely sure the course there on offer is the one I want to dedicate myself too. I question myself too much.
If I did get entry to Bathurst it would potentially be WAY easier for us and our relationship. We could get a house (my cousin is moving to that Uni also so rent would be no problem between the three of us) and begin the "full-time togetherness" we've been waiting for.

Its hard to have discussions with james about this because our career aspirations are very diverse. He wants to finish his diploma of music and move to graphics animations after that.
On the weekend when I was visiting we had a lengthy discussion and James remarked:
"are we even ready to move in together?"
I was a little shocked and disappointed at first because it has always been our plan from day one.
He knows how dependent I am on him and has said he'd go where he's got to for me...but it really did get me thinking about moving in together. I personally think he is afraid and thinks he will loose the freedom he gets when i leave from visiting. He can go back to the constant gaming he loves when i'm there (there is a strict limit to the gaming he can do when I am in his presence as we only have a limited time together and therefore i believe it should be spent together and not on the xbox or ps3)
We'll see how things pan out when the offers come through from the Uni's. Then i think it will make him realise he has no choice but to make the transition to adult life with me.

Eh if only this was a perfect world and all decisions made could satisfy both individuals in a relationship.



He Sleeps.

"Weather Changes Moods"
http://lilly-chaos.deviantart.com/

Why is it that every time I'm with James I get sick?!?

Last time his visit was interrupted by vomiting on account of my little stomach muscle problem and this time round, a massive head cold that made sleeping impossible decided to burden us for the weekend. On a positive note I had a great time at his place (besides the flu.) It was such a lovely weekend that we pretty much spent hours laying on the trampoline talking and sleeping. We gamed of course...not that i touched the controller i just had fun on the headset listening to people talking about the game: "fuck man, he's right behind you!"
Ah I also finally met some of his extended family! Gran and Pa. That was nice. They are lovely people. And i also met a family friend whose name i can't recall (eep!).

So we've planned our next weekend together which is in a fortnight and i think some retail therapy is in order! Until then I'm finishing school up I think its like 18 days until graduation which means there is little time to plan the formal but that is underway!

Ah anyway I probably should go an shower.
Much love.

Things have been pretty busy lately. James has come and gone a few times, however time in between visits is growing longer because it's "crunch" time for me now with exams and submission of major works and such.

I've almost finished my extension two english major work. After a year developing the 8000 word story entitled "Death - A Conversation" it is almost ready for submission. I have around 3 more weeks to iron out any small errors, but i'm confident I'm done for the most part. As much as I am proud of my final product which explores the unavoidable human experience; death, the journey as been a rocky one. At times...I guess up until the fourth or so draft had been submitted for ridicule and criticism I pretty much was ready to put it to bed and forfeit my position on the course. But as the experience now comes to a hault I have come to the realisation all the long nights, emotional break downs and writers block was certainly worth it. The biggest feat was conquering the blank page in the beginning and now its blossomed into a 40 A4 page exploration of Death and paradoxically Life.

I'm eager to see how it will be received by the national markers. I hope they recieve it as well as my personal panel of literary critics. Fingers crossed.

I think its safe to say I will NOT be running out to write anything that large anytime soon. I'm putting my creative writing career on stand by. haha.

On other news I possibly have the opportunity to complete my mortuary hygiene ticket in the upcoming months. Its a weekend course, very practical and hands on. Basically I will learn how to perform internal cavity embalming, suturing of both open wounds on cadavers as wella as mouths, as well as refreshing fundamental safety and funerary practices. Throwing me in the deep end so soon, but hopefully this will open some more doors and assist in pursuing the career I so desperately want. There is just something about funerary management and customs that ignites a wildfire in me. Very enthusiastic!.


Time for a webcam shot.

Its great having this long distance relationship functioning as best it can now. James and I did finally meet after thirteen months. It got so painful in the end because everytime i actually tried to make an attempt to se e him he would fall through like the whole England for three weeks thing. Eh. I ended up giving him an ultimatum in the end which pretty much said if we hadn't met by August i could continue to hurt myself by staying in the relationship. (I'm not sure of i meant this or whether I was trying to scare him into actually seeing me.) Anyway we met two weeks ago and it was so perfect. 
Its Love.
Amazing.
Except naturally now that i completely know what I'm missing out on the distance is a lot harder to cope with.
He's making the trip over this weekend. We'll spend it together and he'll go back late sunday afternoon. then I think when i'm on my break he's going to come back and stay for a week sometime in July. We're completely in love as cheesy as it sounds. *gags* But I am so happy our story was one of the ones that works out in the end.
Its just going to be harder to see each other as often now because I'm close to graduating and the next semester will be insane! I can't let my marks slip because of him and he understands that as much as it hurts him. In the mean time he'll keep doing his music thing.
Oh and to contribute to the difficulty of seeing each other I don't have my license which yes i really should have. So he'll have to come to me for a while or pick me up and take me back to his house. Haha poor guy.

Oh and i would post photos of us FINALLY together but I don't have any clue where my USB cable for my phone is!!!

Giving thoughts on visiting James next wednesday in Orange.  I probably just jinxed myself by posting about my aspirations!
But nevertheless I will follow that up and make the effort.









Georgie,Myself,Sarah

James had a blood clot in his brain last night.

I went to bed around 11:30 last night and we'd been fighting a little durign the day so he tol dme he was going for a shower and not to wait up because he literally takes liek an hour in the bathroom when he goes for one of his "escape route" showers, which are pretty much his way of telling me he's had enough and he wants some space. So yea i went to bed, fell asleep and he woke me up ay 12:19 telling me he just had a fit and the bathroom floor is now covered in vomit.
Being half awake i was like "great you'll feel better now - go to bed"
He was insisting it was a HUGE deal and i was really dismissive of the whole issue.
He then procreeds to tell me his body started to spasm and he looked in the mirror and started seeing random images in his head then everything went black and he woke up on the bathroom floor in vomit.
I got a little concerned but still was like eh ok, because i was in a horrible mood from our previous fight.
So he told me he was going to the hospital. I said "good, msg if you get the chance"

I wake up this morning to him telling me he had a blood clot on the brain which prevented any blood circulation which made him black out. the fit was his body "freaking out" because his brain wasn't functioning properly. Vomiting was a result of his body tensing up in the fit. They gave him oxygen to reduce the pressure and dissolve the clot. Then he was told he could of easily died...which reduced his mum to tears because originally she did much the same as i did when he rang her.

...He had a similar episode years and years ago and smashed his head on the wall and broke the coffee table by falling on it.  So i feel like a massive bitch this morning, he tells me its ok but he's really tripped out and is sleeping on and off. Eep. I'll know things are serious next time.


(around the time we met....wow ages ago he was so trashed that night i got some hilarious msg's that required explanations the following morning!)

 

I think considering I've been back for around 4 weeks now that its about time I did a little recap on my trip to Italy & Germany. I will of course weave this entry with pictures of my adventures.

An opening snap-shot: Us at the trevi fountain



And So It Beings:
1. We arrive at the airport at 5pm and made sure everyone arrived and was all organised for the trip. I was introduced to those who came along that I wasn't aqquainted with (Leah and Craig - Craig who i particularly got along with. He's a paramedic and comes across as a very scary man on first impression; must be his beard!) Cosnidering i'd never flown ANYWHERE I was anxious! Checking our luggage in was no drama's but I wasn't particularly looking forward to customs (yes ok boarder security and such shows had provoked fear in me, stupid much!? ha) I must point out how RUDE and UNFRIENDLY the airport staff are at Sydney airport - they run an EXTREMELY tight ship! On our way through Brittany got pulled aside for a random bomb residue test, the lady conducting her test (which included sawbbing Britt's mouth out) was friendly enough and was joking and laughing as we watched on as they scanned her entire body (includign head) for any dangerous material.

So upon boarding Emirates airline i was fascinated by the entertainment at my disposal. I watched Twilight, The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button, Forever Strong and some romantic comedy i can not remember the name of. I also played my fair share of Bejeweled and Tetris too. I managed to get a total 0 hours of sleep on the 14 hour stop-over flight to Dubai. I'm not a fan of plane food or Dubai's airport (layout is impractical!) Another six hour flight and we were in ROME!

Another Snap- Shot: Us at pompei


Rome:
2. First impressions: FILTHY! The outskirts are slum like but once we got in the heart of the city it improved, yet i still can not overcome the state of the streets - everything is dirty! I take Australia for granted thats for sure! I have to say i would NOT visit again. Its a great  place, don't get me wrong but the arrogance and rudeness of the people, the grimy streets, narrow side walks and just overall chaotic vibe is not my thing. The roads don't have lanes in the city! Its pretty much a free for all. Thats just a little observation. Oh and also no one wears casual clothes!!

* We visted 6 Basilicas , much to my dismay, once you've 3 you've seen them all and they are no longer awe-inspiring.
*The Coleseum was a favourite of mine! I liked the macabre and horrific history that accompanies it. Fascinating acts went on there. I'm still wondering who would win a fight out of a bear and a lion? (think about it, these species have never met before!)
* Food was fascinating - like australian pizza's better but Italian pasta dominates (even treated myself to lobster one night.)
* I lost my wallet and around $800 dollars in it.
* Vatican City is a rip off - avoid the gift shop at the beginning of the strip to the open mass area.
* Vatican tour was POINTLESS. I almost threw up on the sistine chapel floor (thanks period pain!)
* Pompei was nice enough. I've studied the site extensively and it was nice to see it for real instead of text books - but just about EVERY thing featured in the text book i saw myself and now have my own personal photos of.
* Napels = DISGUSTING. more slum like then the outskirts of Rome.

Thats pretty much Rome in a nusthell.

Another Snap- Shot  - The Roman Forum - yes picture by me):


Munich:
3. I LOVED MUNCIH. Its such a casual and relaxed place in comparison to Rome. Except i'm not a fan of their food. You can't buy a sandwhich without some strange foreign thing being on it! Didn't have the stomach to try the sausages either! Ah the hotel was nice. I had a bath every night that i was away. It was good to have a LONG soak after a day of walking EVERYWHERE. we would of clocked soo many Kilometres by the end - as a result i kept my weight down, i only put on ONE kilo from all the food. It would of been more if it wasn't for the walking.

germans are also very sexually free! in 3 blocks we counted 7 casinos and 11 strip clubs. German censorship is also amusing: there are large sexual posters everywhere with pointless attempts to censor body parts, EXAMPLE: A billboard of a naked woman in a PVC underbust corset, her breats are exposed. ONE nipple is blacked out with a thin bar, the other is not censored at all. I don't understand the point!

Munich was far more relaxed in terms of site seeing. We did go to the concentration camp which was a real eyeopener. I really enjoyed it. It was confronting in that good way, the way that makes you appreciate your freedom and security!
That is pretty much it for Germany.

That was our escapades overseas! --> em and I outside the Pantheon.

Off to Italy tomorrow! I Fly out at 9:10 pm. Excitement & Anxiety.
We're planning on spending 8 days in Rome then we'll catch the train to Germany and spend 3 days in Munich. Our hotel in Munich is rigth across from a beer hall which shall make things interesting :D
In all honesty i'm trying not to think of the trip to much. I have to pack today sometime too. But yes, I'm anxious to leave people behind, particulary James who i'm so dependent on. I'm trying to organise a little suprise to be delivered while i'm away. I think he'll suffer a large amount - he's home alone for 3 weeks and in that big vacant house of his having me gone as well doesn't help. Time apart is never really good for us - as pathetic as that sounds, I mean yes we do come back being all lovey dovey and the works but absence is rather destructive. I guess we'll just have to see how this works out. We've never been put in a situation quite like it - Its only ten days apart but its that fact that I'm not in the country so if i get sick he can't come running or if I miss him he can't just turn up on my doorstep.

Other then that the photoshoot for the hair went well. Even though i HATED the way they ended up cutting my hair. Geometrically isn't a good look. I'm not a fan of having squares and triangles cut into my hair. Its been about two weeks now and its slowly growing out - goodbye awkward step like chunks that border my face.

In other news, i ended up in Sydney for four days this week. Just doing very touristy stuff. Nothing to exciting.